Poet’s Beat ~ “A Woman Living Through Breast Cancer” by Jazzybeatchick Accompanied by Seattle Women’s Jazz Orchestra’s ~ ”Self Portrait”

My Breast Cancer Journey ~ The sea of life  2011
My Breast Cancer Journey ~ The sea of life 2011

In May 2003 mom and I traveled cross country from New York to Seattle.  It was the last trip I would ever take with my mom.  She did it as an ultimate gift of love.  A close friend Gerry was driving the Uhaul truck and mom and I were in a 2000 Gold Ford Torino.  We wanted to live beyond the ravages of cancer seeking a quality of life.  It took six days. We had made that trip with dad at the wheel cruising ninety miles per hour.  It took us 3 days of driving from L.A. to NYC.  This time I had to stop because mom would get tired and she needed to rest.  The sad part is that the cancer struck its’ last blow and she had to go directly to the hospital.  She died May 10, 2003 on Mother’s Day.  It took me a while to recover because now I am on my own.  I finally went to Cancer Lifeline and took a wonderful poetry writing group led by Esther Helfgott a well known Seattle Poet.  This is a pastiche poem of “Fast Speaking Woman” by Anne Waldman, City Lights Books, 1999.  This poem along with the Collage is my tribute to mom and my dad who died in May of 1994 for giving me life.

I hope you enjoy this poem.  Peace Out!  JBC 😎

A Woman Living Through Breast Cancer

Am I a woman?

I often wonder
  where I have been yesterday
   or where I will be tomorrow…
 today is a mere future memory
 gathering love
gathering wisdom
gathering moss below my feet –
    longing to be the woman I am yet to be…

But am I a woman?

Breast cancer took my breasts away –
 milk of human kindness
 never given the chance
 for a baby to be nurtured as I once was.
Loss of my womb…because of cancer.
 loss of my ovaries…
 preventing continuous scent of flowers
 leaves  my heart open to forgive  the loss and grief.

Am I a woman?
Who arrives from compassion and deep deep sorrow
 brought me to a life of barrenness and despair…
   who chose words and love as my children.

Longing for my North Star,
 who departed

  leaving me tell a true story.

Am I a woman?
Of dreams, hopes, joy, sorrow?
 rugged individualist who has transformed and healed

   all the pain and anger
    in my life in one fell swoop
Of course I am a woman…
  Breasts, wombs and ovaries can’t make me what

    God has fated me to be.
      a woman of substance….
rhythm primer rest

Copyright © 2011-2014 by Jannat Marie/Jazzybeatchick. All rights Reserved.

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